What's Up and Where Do I Fit In?

I am constantly roaming the highways and byways but mostly my own neighbourhood, looking for inspiration. Reference photos fill my Camera Upload folder and I scroll through hundreds - I swear. I also immerse myself in YouTube painting videos of some of my favorite artists, admiring their style and techniques, listening to their tips and thinking to myself: What's up and where do I fit in? Inspiration isn't enough....in my opinion!

I am in the challenging state of evolving with foresight (read - judgement!). I have started to say I have an art practice - rather than identify as an artist - it seems easier to live up to practicing art rather than producing it. In this stage, I have more fails than successes - or so it seems. It is hard to keep going and yet, imagining a life without painting is impossible (although yesterday I came close - hence this blog!).

For years now, I have had a pondering wall, a dark closet cooling zone and a scrap pile for various paintings I have practiced on! Some of my best have been saved from the scrap heap at the very last minute. Others sit on the pondering wall longer than is wise - impeding my wish to move on and start something new as I stare at the most current work-of-my-heart that is not answering back to my query: "What is wrong with you?"

Have you ever been in that place where you have a hard time accepting "good enough?" Yeah, that place. I am living in that place right now questioning what dictates good enough and what says "dark closet cooling zone." Rarely does anything go into the scrap pile right away - not until it has sat in the dark closet for a few years!

I have read how many artists paint hundreds of paintings before they get "the one". Not to say that they don't show and sell these paintings. It is just that in their hearts (and in mine if I am the art practitioner), many paintings are not exactly what I was dreaming would evolve.

So, I paint in spurts - pushing paint around, scrolling through my inspiration folders and hopefully landing on something that pulls at my heart strings. I took a break today and decided to identify what I have figured out recently (today):

1. If it isn't touching my heart at first glance, leave it in the file folder. Nothing can kill a painting faster for me than if I am not feeling it in the moment.

2. Often photographs - really good ones - that project an emotion that I love DO NOT "MAKE IT" ON CANVAS - and, so I have learned, should remain as photographs. The emotion just doesn't translate into the new medium. Maybe someday; maybe never. I have learned to respect my reaction and move on (or sometimes I paint it, step back, and then pack it away for another moody day of feeling, and move on!)

3. Don't ask your spouse, best friend, sibling or child to give conscientious, objective, informed feedback - unless they are an artist and even then, their viewpoint can be unaligned to your style or passion - or they complement because they love you. Art comes from you - the inner you - seen through your inner eye and even though it may be a landscape or some back alley, the way you see it and capture it is unique. Although there are those who can comment on technique most comments are based on the viewer's own experience and life and perspective and do not provide what you are needing. Unless they love it, of course! Mike Svob says that you only need one viewer to like your painting and buy it. I say, if I like it, then it is valid and lovely and I can hope one special someone agrees with me and buys it! (Caveat - seeking constructive feedback is different from asking someone if they like it).

So, I am in my studio, pushing my self to take on the new direction, use what I have learned and just keep practicing!

Here is my latest practice piece - sitting on the pondering wall for further consideration.